Shades of Gray

Team India has hit a new low and chances of winning the World Cup look slim. The battering that it has received in recent times proves that this is not just a slump of form – there is something seriously wrong. The youth that raised hopes of winning the world cup has suddenly started to let the team down. If we wish to replicate the success of Australia, as we keep dreaming about, we need to do something about the way cricket is run in the country. Here’s a lowdown:

Sack Chappell: Greg Chappell was certainly a great batsman but he is no good as a coach. For how long can we buy his ‘team of the future’ idea when the present looks so horrible? Chappell has always been an arrogant individual and if the players have picked anything from him, it’s his arrogance. Look at Sehwag – after India lost the fourth ODI against SA to lose the series 3-0, Sehwag hoped for improved showing in the Tests and said that losing the ODI series doesn’t matter much. With this attitude, my dear Nawab of Najafgarh, you are going nowhere. An Indian coach might not make much difference to our fortunes, but we will certainly save some money.

Stop experiments with batting order: Jack-of-all-trades, masters of none. Every team relies on experts but Chappell insists on an ad-hoc batting line up. Experiments might work sometimes but that doesn’t mean that is the way to go about. Besides, with less than five months to go for the World Cup, every player should know where he would be batting; then only they will be able to get prepared mentally for it.

Bring Back Ganguly: Even if he is not the captain, his aggressiveness is something Rahul Dravid can use. Ganguly’s experience and views can help a team that is starting to look like an easy match for the opponent. While it is true that the younger guys are much better fielders than Ganguly, they cannot demand a place on that basis alone. Dravid has not marshaled his resources well and he needs seniors like Ganguly out there on the field.

Stop criticizing Tendulkar: Sachin has already done his bit for India. Though he is past his prime and currently not in great form, he is still performing better than many of the younger players. We cannot afford to dump him. That his wicket is still valued by opposition bowlers proves that any team does not take him lightly. Only we have a habit of asking for his axing.

Drop Sehwag and Kaif: Let them not consider themselves certain for the world cup. If performance was the criteria for dropping Ganguly a year back, what are these two doing in the team? Kaif, after five years in the team, has still not been able to cement his place. It’s time we try someone else. Yes, he is a good fielder but what’s the use if our batsmen can’t put up a good score. Fielding can help a team win matches but it alone won’t do it. One needs to bat and bowl. Sehwag is definitely a match-winner. But only once in 50-60 matches. And the manner in which he gets out seems to suggest that those performances are nothing more than flukes. Sure, he is talented but he is not responsible. He doesn’t play according to the situation. A strong message needs to be sent to him so that he can either correct his ways or be content with playing for Delhi.

Ban or Limit the endorsements a player can do: This, alongside the performance-based package that BCCI is considering, is required with immediate effect. The players must not think that they can earn lots of money through ads even after repeated failures on the field. They are cricketers not models.

Improve Pitches: Let us have spinning as well as fast and bouncy tracks. This will help bowlers as well as batsmen.

Change Domestic formats: Most of the cricket our players play is of the five-day format. One needs to focus on one-dayers if we want to do better in ODIs. Moreover, it won’t be a bad idea to copy the Australian Sheffield Series format, as it is considered to be the toughest in the world.

Implement these measures and see what change takes place. Unless until every player learns to value his wicket, play according to the situation and takes pride in playing for India rather than taking his place for granted, Team India can kiss the World Cup goodbye.

I don’t believe that marriages are made in heaven. What is worse is that there are reasons to believe that more often than not, we humans end up marrying the wrong person. To keep the discussion simple, let’s limit the scope of this to our Indian society where most of the marriages are arranged. This piece doesn’t aim to argue on its merits or demerits. The idea that I wish to propagate is that an arranged marriage does not guarantee a happy married life as our elders who like us to believe. The longevity of an arranged marriage is probably because the concerned parties are tuned to accept compromise as the way out – something that doesn’t come naturally in a love marriage. I do not recommend one form over the other. My argument is related only to whether we or our parents are choosing the right person or not. And if we are not, where are we going wrong?

While rebellion has always been a way out for the youth when elders didn’t approve of a relationship, surprisingly more and more young people are shying away from it. Indian youth would rather try to work out an amicable agreement with their parents but if nothing works out, they would accept the parents’ decision over their own emotions. I will prove this point by narrating three real-life incidents. I have changed the names of my friends who talked to me on this matter and have changed their names to protect their identities and as a respect for their privacy.

Garima was in love with Sampurna, an assamese boy who was her senior at college. When she disclosed this at her home, hell broke loose. “How will he adjust in our culture? How will you adjust in his family?”, these were questions that were hurled at her by her family. In the end, romance and compatibility died a premature death at the hands of culture.

Poornima, a software engineer, had an arranged marriage. The groom was working at a senior position with an IT company. Though they had very little in common in terms of interests and hobbies, her parents thought this handsome boy from a well-to-do family was the best choice for their daughter. Within two years, Poornima opted out and had a divorce. The reason: the guy was very dominating in mature and was continuously accusing her of having an extra-marital affair.

The story of Abhimanyu is perhaps the most complex. He developed a liking for Meher who he met and befriended at his workplace. As they were from the same community, there wasn’t much of a problem. However, Meher wasn’t keen at all and Abhimanyu accepted his friend’s decision. Even though marriage was out of question, he was shocked to find his mother disapprove of this relationship because Meher: (1) didn’t have a flawless, fair complexion, (2) at 5′3″, was not tall enough (3) was not pretty as a picture and (4) didn’t have a winsome smile. For someone who has always felt that his parents were quite liberal, Abhimanyu was left shell-shocked. He couldn’t find any merit in his family’s arguments that Meher wasn’t a good choice because they didn’t make a good-looking pair.

These three cases highlight something important points. For parents, cultural compatibility with the family and family background matter more than the nature of the person involved. Whether the two would make an attractive couple or not, ranks higher than whether the two share common interests and values which will bind them forever for life. This is the current state and it’s unfortunate. But unless this is corrected and brought in tune with the modern society, we will continue to have cases where looks and appearance get precedence over mentality and nature.

One cannot really blame the parents. They are from a different generation where couples would not look at each other as friends and advisors. For them family background, looks, economic condition, status etc. will always be a criteria. But they need to draw the line somewhere. On the other hand, parents’ involvement is not always bad. Many a times, they save their sons and daughters from marrying the wrong person. It’s just that they need to remember that at the end of it all, it’s their children’s happiness that matters most.

The other aspect is of looks. Looks do matter and one must be careful about it also. You may not value looks today but who knows, after two years, after the initial attraction fades away, you may begin to find your spouse totally unattractive. The rule here is that there is no rule. Guys and girls need to strike a balance between looks, family background, values and nature. After all, what will happen 5 or 10 years down the line is uncertain and one has to take risks concerning changing preferences and priorities.

It is often said that marry the person you love talking to – but what if the one you love talking to is not very good looking? Going by the traditional standards, he/she would be relegated to the backyard. The initial attraction is more often than not based on looks. Given a chance every man would want to marry the Miss World. But if one has decided on a particular woman, should he be forced to look for a better looking lady just because the current choice won’t make them an attractive couple? Aren’t we taking the aesthetics too seriously by refusing marriage because of complexion, height, size/color of eyes, and length of hair? Will someone make a good wife or husband only because she/he comes from an affluent family? Should we value looks or intelligence? Should I marry someone who matches the economic status of my family but doesn’t see eye-to-eye with me or someone who may not make the cut even in my society’s beauty contest but will make a good-natured and caring wife? These are some of the questions we need to answer while remembering that the quest for beauty has no end point.

The hardest part is that there is no quick solution. If you are someone like me who has still not found the ‘one’, it’s probably too late to look unless until lady luck suddenly smiles on you. We cannot revolt because it won’t bring about a change in mentality. We will have to go by our parents’ choice but if you agree with the points I have presented above, let us make a pledge: That when we become parents, we will not force our children to sacrifice their dreams and their lives at the altar of marriage because of our wrong priorities and wrong parameters.